I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
