i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
