I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize