Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
