so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
