I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
