He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
