GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
