Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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