3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You ate ashes out of my bong
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
