my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
