i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
soo... how was my night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
