I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
