I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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