I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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