i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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