i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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