Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
