RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
a search helicopter?!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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