in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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