he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
