the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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