He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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