My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
