Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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