Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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