So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
