I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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