Church boner. Awkwardddd
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
