Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
