cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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