when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
