I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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