I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
