You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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