She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
