Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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