i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize