apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
