Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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