My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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