you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
