I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
