So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why do cheetos always look like penises
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize