dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
