screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
