Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
