Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
