Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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