I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
