i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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