My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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