Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
