Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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