i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
