Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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