is your mom at the bar?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
