Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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