I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
