my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
