He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
