did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
