I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
