Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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