I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
