I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
