She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
