I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
