I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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