i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
