Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
