I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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