the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
