My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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