Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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