Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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