Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize