She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
